Writing Contest 2021 Third Place Award Essay Exhibition
Sally Wu

Class 14 (Level 3)

Uni Doggy

Look! Who is that? It is a dog that looks like a Unicorn. She is called Uni Doggy. Uni Doggy was famous to all the people on Earth. She doesn’t live on Earth, though. She lives on Rainbow World, but she visits Earth sometimes.

One day, Uni Doggy visited China. When she landed on the ground, boys ran to her, started teasing her and disturbing her. What is happening, thought Uni Doggy. She checked other countries and cities. But everywhere she went, boys were bullying her.

Suddenly, two fairies came by. They were whispering to each other. One fairy was red with big red wings, and the other was a sparkly fairy (but not red) following the red fairy. Uni Doggy used her magic hearing. “You’re not being nice to the boys, Leia,” the sparkly fairy said. Then Leia whispered back, “But you are not being fair, Mia.” The sparkly fairy sighed. Then she floated over to Uni Doggy. “Why don’t you send the boys to the scariest planet of all, Halloscare,” she whispered in Uni Doggy’s ear. “Okay,” Uni Doggy whispered back. Time to work! Mia used her wand to create a giant basket. Then, she made yummy food for the boys. She put one crumb in the basket and… so many boys ran over to the food! One at a time, Uni Doggy lifted them up and sent them to Halloscare.

Meanwhile, remember Leia? She realized that she was wrong. She was a little timid, but she released all the boys and they returned to Earth. Uni Doggy can see that already because boys were running over to Uni Doggy and trying to hug her. Everything was back to normal.

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Very interesting story!! You have a lot of interesting details, and you did a great job using dialogue and unit words (although you only used 2 instead of 4!). However, you didn’t exactly follow the prompt. You make your story related somewhat to the prompt, but remember, it asks what happens after you pet a dog and it starts talking! When we use dialogue, we usually use a new paragraph every time the speaker changes so the reader isn’t confused as to who is speaking. Don’t forget to follow the given instructions on how to name your document!

Grader 2 Notes:
This essay was clearly planned, written, edited, and rewritten before turning it in. The dialogue and descriptive words are really good and they help move the story along. I am a little confused about how this essay is a response to the prompt. Additionally, I only see two underlined vocabulary words, not the required four vocabulary words.

Yuxi (Lucy) Ji

VIP Class (Level 4)

Three most important things in our friendship

Making friends and keeping friends is a very important ability in our lives. We need friends because a good friend can make us be a better version of ourselves. We also need friends because everyone needs someone to talk to. Friends can make us feel like we’re not alone. Three most important things in friendship are respect, listening, and encouragement.

Respect is the premise for two people to become good friends. Any relationship is built on the premise of respect. If a person is arrogant and doesn't care about other people's feelings, he won't have good friends. Respecting your good friend can make him feel valued. We can communicate well. We can even go to your friend's house at night, drink hot cocoa and talk about our dreams together! How beautiful! Of course, all this requires you to respect your friends.

Imagine your friend talking to you, but he kept talking for two hours! You want to express your ideas, but you can't get in at all. It's too bad. So listening is also a very important thing. All human emotional relationships, ideological exchanges, division of labor and cooperation begin from the dialogue you say, I listen to. When friends talk, you can learn another point of view, new ideas and even funny jokes. As Evelyn Greene said, listening is an unspeakable touch. It feels like when the sound is close to you, you can almost feel it. So it is very important to be a good listener in a friendship.

Friends need encouragement. But when you are sad for not doing well in the exam, when you want to give up because of something, your friend will encourage you with soft words. But in fact, there is not only one way for friends to encourage each other. In daily life, there is another way -- competition. Good competition will not destroy any friendship, a good competitor is like an invisible hand pushing you forward, constantly encouraging you, motivating you. We need good competitors. Why not your friends? A friendship requires two people to encourage each other and push each other in a better direction.

Now we know that a friendship needs to be respected, listened to and encouraged. Our life is like crossing a vast ocean to the other shore. In the beginning, even though we are alone, we can only listen to the sound of the sea. But when you have friends, it's like a light shines into the sea. We are no longer alone. We will walk hand in hand across the sea until we reach the other side of life.

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Nice, solid thesis and a very good introduction paragraph. Your ideas are solid and easy to understand. You have made strong word choices and have included some very beautiful sentences. It is clear that you re-read your final draft and followed your editing check-list. Very nice work overall. I love your ideas and it sounds like you know how to be a very good friend.

Grader 2 Notes:
This is an outstanding essay about friendship and it has great organization, so it is easy to read and understand. You gave excellent examples and reasons for each of your points, and you also included things like exclamations (!) and beautiful similes, which makes it a more personal essay to read. Your vocabulary was terrific but you didn’t include any unit words; that was the only downside to it! Nice job!

Catherine Zhu

Class 6 (Level 4)

A Letter For Suggesting Building A Kid Club

Dear donor,

Thank you for sponsoring to build a facility to benefit young people in the neighborhood. I’m writing this letter to suggest building a kid club for elementary kids with rooms for different activities so that it meets everyone’s needs. This is my picture in mind: It is a sturdy two-story building. There will be a reception desk at the entrance where the staff welcome people, valid membership cards, and answer questions. The first level would be a basketball court and a dance studio for training and competition as these are two of the most popular activities among kids. The second floor is a quiet area with a library for kids to read and work on homework with their tutors, and an art room for kids to learn how to draw and make crafts. There would be teachers to demonstrate how to do these.

These are my three reasons to build a kid club. First of all, it offers a safe place for kids to hang out inside after school and on weekends, because you need to be a member and scan your membership card in order to get in. If a membership card is not recognized, that person can not get in. Secondly, the club would have several rooms to meet different needs. For example, it will have a library for kids who love reading and studying, a dance room with big mirrors for kids who are passionate about dance, and a basketball court for young athletes to train. In this way, everyone can find an activity of his/her interest or explore something new to find his/her ‘sparks’. Last but not least, it rains a lot in Seattle all year round except summer, and this indoor place will keep kids warm and dry while learning and having fun.

Due to the above reasons, in order to provide kids a safe and comfortable place where they can explore different activities while staying dry, I suggest we build a kid club. Thank you for your consideration. I’m certain this kid club will provide fun for many kids.

Sincerely,
Catherine Zhu

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Excellent description of what the facility would look like! It sounds like it would benefit all different kinds of kids! Don’t forget a thesis statement; we’ll learn more about those in future months at POP. Great job giving some context for your letter in the introduction. It’s a very creative idea! Great letter format and great use of unit words!

Grader 2 Notes:
Your kid’s club idea is very thoughtful and sounds like a good spot for many different types of kids and activities. You did a great job describing the way it looks and giving reasons for what you included, and there was some good strategy as well (quiet upstairs, rainy Seattle…) You used vocabulary words well and it was very persuasive. In the future, you could add things that you are personally excited about, to make it sound a bit more personal. Your introduction was also a bit boring and formal and could be better with an interesting hook. Other than that, you did very well!

Andy Yang

Class 17 (Level 5)

Dear Mr. President:

Who would be the person everyone wants to nominate an award to? Of course, it's me!

Everyone would want to nominate me an award for doing the following things: Doing all of the homework, checking all my work, and working really hard for hours to get it right.

It should be obvious that everyone would want to nominate me an award, because I always finish my POP education homework! Finishing all of your homework every time is not as easy as you might think. First, I have to go to gmail, and spend 5 minutes just trying to find the homework - Next, I have to open all the sites, and click on all the links and videos, and finally, I have to do the homework.

Doing the homework isn’t easy, sometimes there's writing, unit tests, or just a bunch of Sadlier Connect assignments. You even have to spend 3 hours just trying to get the writing done, and making the writing good. But on the bright side, I always check my work, so I make sure I always do every assignment and question. Checking your work is important, and that brings us to the next, very important reason why I should be nominated for an award.

Checking your work is important because, maybe you accidentally skipped something, or were too lazy and skipped something for later, forgetting you ever saved anything for another time. Checking your work can affect your life as a CIVILIAN, it can make it so you always finish all your work because you checked it. This is another reason why it is so important.

Some might think that a lot of people ACCOMPLISH more than this, but, the truth is, not many! You have to be quite KEEN to do this. Imagine having to spend around 5 hours doing POP homework, ⅗ of the time doing writing, and trying to get the writing as good as possible! In the process getting really frustrated and likely to get PROVOKED.

In conclusion, everyone should think I deserve an award for doing all of my POP education homework, checking my work every time, and for spending lots of time on it. So, I hope you agree with me, and nominate me an award for doing these things!

Sincerely,
Andy Yang

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Very interesting! Nice thesis statement; I know what you will explain/develop in your body paragraphs. You really do spend a lot of time and energy on your POP homework! I give you a round of applause for that! You have a well-organized essay, but you could use more transition words/phrases and explanations to support your main reasons. Great job using unit words! There are a few places where you use a comma before or after ‘because’ or use a comma instead of a period or semicolon. We generally don’t use a comma before ‘because.’ **We nominate someone FOR an award.

Grader 2 Notes:
This essay follows the formatting and organizational guidelines discussed in class. It presents arguments in a logical manner that generally support the author’s thesis. In the future, I would consider revising the thesis so as to make the body paragraphs more independent. Instead of arguing: I do the homework; the homework is hard; I check my work therefore I deserve an award, I would argue: I deserve an award for my hard work, dedication, and attention to detail. As it currently stands, the essay sounds a little repetitive: in each body paragraph, the author essentially repeats that they do the homework.

Yiding Lu

Class 17 (Level 5)

Dear Kopf-Stover,

Do you think school starting at 8 is too early? In my opinion, school starting at 8 is too early because you have to wake up at 7:30 or earlier which is way too early. School starting at 8 is not good for the students because most kids don’t have enough sleep which might lead to health problems. The weather is too cold and rainy at 7:30 which can make kids get a cold easily. If kids wake up earlier, they will be exhausted in school.

First, kids are sleeping late lately. I sleep at 10:00 PM and later; when waking up at 7:30 AM, we sleep only 9 hours or less. According to BRIGHT SIDE on youtube.com, kids ranging from 6 - 13 need 9 - 11 hours of sleep. According to my doctor, if kids do not sleep that long, they can get health problems, grumpiness, poor mental alertness, and more AGGRESSIVE DISPUTES. If they sleep earlier, they can’t finish that much work, which will make the teachers like you, mad, and will struggle on tests. In final analysis, school starting before or at 8 isn’t good for the students’ health.

Second, the climate is too freezing and rainy at 7:30. According to the ‘weather’ app, 7:30 AM on November 2, 2021, in Seattle, will be 50 degrees fahrenheit which will make my teeth chatter. Remember, there is only 1 month, June, in Seattle, that is in summer, so you will still have to experience the cold. You might say that you have Spring, but you have to watch out for rain, and it is still a little cold! When you experience coldness, your chance of getting a disease called hypothermia, which makes your body temperature go lower than average causing slowed breathing, is increased. If you wear a big jacket, it may cause discomfort because when I wear big jackets, somewhere there is something very annoying and always disturbs me. You will slip a lot of times when you walk to school since it happened to me 2 years ago! That is why school starting at 8 is not beneficial to the students, especially young students.

Lastly, you will miss after school classes if you don’t wake up as early, some may say. If kids wake up earlier, they will be FATIGUED in school, and if they wake up later, they won’t be exhausted. According to teenink.com, being tired isn’t pretty because you will have tough times paying attention and remembering. To prove that, I am weary while writing this! If you don’t pay attention or remember things poorly, you can get lower grades, like in this contest. Hence, school beginning at 8 is not excellent for the kids.

In conclusion, school beginning at 8 is not adequate for the children. Kids are sleeping behind recently, the climate is excessively cold and stormy, and last but not least, in case kids get up prior, they will be depleted in school. Thus, school should start at 9 AM, so that everyone will get a good night's sleep to be ready for school.

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Nicely organized essay with some very interesting points! Great job using outside sources to support your reasons, as well as personal experience.
Great sentence variety. There are times when you have lots of parts to your sentences and therefore lots of commas. Sometimes, it’s more effective to simplify our sentences so there aren’t so many commas (and possibilities for the reader to get confused). I only see 3 unit words… did you forget to underline or capitalize the fourth? Don’t forget the closing to your letter!!

Grader 2 Notes:
This essay largely follows the model essays discussed in class. It is well-organized (though the thesis does not exist as a single sentence) and well-reasoned (though starting later would also mean ending later, potentially after dark and in stormy weather). I can tell that the author proofread the essay before turning it in and that the author spent time planning the essay (and outside resources) even when they were tired.

Momo Chen

VIP Class (Level 6)

Dear Mr. President,

Please help! I am scared of earthquakes. They are intimidating because they topple buildings and they have caused many fatalities. I want you to make the buildings earthquake proof to cope with earthquakes, and you mustn’t be sluggish and dawdle!

Buildings that are not earthquake-proof can easily fall down during earthquakes. They are not safe. It's not that big of a deal, right? Well, imagine if you were in an earthquake and the building that you were in just fell right down and transformed into arrears. What would you do then? Earthquake-proof structures make it much safer in emergencies! Earthquakes are a global problem and occur all over the world.

Next, earthquakes have kkkillllllllledddddddd many people. Just look at these statistics according to https://policyadvice.net/insurance/insights/earthquake-statistics/! “The deadliest earthquake of all time hit China back in 1556, killing around 830,000 people.” This is showing that just because there was an ancient earthquake back then, doesn’t mean that there can’t be another stronger one now. That’s also only a few times bigger than the amount of people on average are killed every year by earthquakes! See, “Approximately 20,000 people are killed every year by earthquakes.” That is showing how earthquakes can affect mankind negatively. This is proof that earthquakes can kill many people.

Let me tell you what earthquake-proof buildings contain. Most earthquake-proof buildings consist of shear walls, cross braces, and diaphragms, and moment-resisting frames, according to https://www.bigrentz.com/blog/earthquake-proof-buildings. It could save a large amount of money because there will be less damage from earthquakes. Also, if all the buildings are earthquake-proof, only a small number of buildings will fall. It will be more expensive if ALL the buildings fall because they aren’t earthquake-proof. That is what an earthquake-proof building is. Please tell everyone to make their buildings earthquake-proof, and feel free to use facts from my letter!

In conclusion, this is why I want you to make all the buildings earthquake-proof. Because they cause many fatalities, scary, and damaging! I hope this motivates and inspires you to make the buildings earthquake-proof. This is a very important matter, and needs to be quashed shortly. So, don’t you tarry!

--Momo Chen, the Great

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Very interesting letter! You did an excellent job using unit words in your letter (you might win the award for the most unit words used in Level 6!). You did a good job using outside sources and facts to support your main ideas, but remember to introduce them properly so the reader knows they’re trustworthy! You’ll learn more about properly citing sources in future months with POP.

Grader 2 Notes:
This was a bold and unique topic choice, but you backed it up with great sources and substantial information! At the same time, it felt very personal because of your varied sentence structure and exclamation points which gave it a particular voice. I think some of your research could have been more relevant (1556? That was a long time ago! 20,000 a year is more relevant, but maybe you could’ve compared it with other things like shark attacks, plane crashes, etc). All in all, it was an entertaining read, yet clear and convincing. Nice job!

Terry Zhang

Class 18 (Level 5)

Hi Jessica,

Did you know that daycare may give kids a lower chance of getting cancer? I understand that you have been pondering on what to donate money for, if you can’t decide maybe you could try donating money for a local daycare. In my opinion, having a local daycare facility would be a great benefit to our town because, kids with busy parents would have a place to be under adult supervision, kids get to socialize and make friends, and because they have a smoother transition to kindergarten.

My first reason why kids should go to daycare is simply because kids with busy parents would have a place to be under adult supervision. When kids are under adult supervision there will be many benefits to both the adult and the child. The first benefit of children being supervised is, kids have a lower chance of getting lost. When kids have a lower chance of being lost, adults are less concerned. Furthermore, kids aren’t tempted to have bad behavior since they are under adult supervision. Lastly, adults get to know children better, which is beneficial to both adults and children.

My second reason is because kids get to socialize with other children and adults. One advantage of that is that kids learn how to control their emotions, such as gratitude, when they recieve a new toy or a snack. They also get to socialize, when they do that, they better understand other children.

Lastly, kids have a smoother transition to kindergarten. That is true because kids already have a little experience in school, causing them to be less nervous. My next reason is because they also have a higher chance of getting good grades because they have attended preschool. Lastly but definitely not least, they already have a little knowledge about education because preschool already ecomposses some topics.

Overall, a preschool for a local facility would be great because kids with busy parents would have a place to be under adult supervision, kids get to socialize and make friends, and because they have a smoother transition to kindergarten. I am writing to you because I personally think that a local daycare would be a great benefit to our community. I hope you make the right choice.

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
You use terrific essay structure and hamburger paragraphs to make strong points. I like the examples you use for support, but I think if you could find some resources to include it would be even stronger! I didn’t see any unit vocabulary, but you do express your ideas creatively and clearly. Great job!

Grader 2 Notes:
Very good organization, thesis, and topic sentences! I was a bit confused when you proposed a daycare but said kids will have an easier transition to kindergarten. Usually, a daycare can have kids of all ages. You call it a preschool in your conclusion, and I think that’s a better term than daycare. You give some good details, but specific examples (for example, HOW can they socialize and HOW does that benefit them?) would help strengthen your argument. You have some great transitions, but I don’t see any underlined vocab words, and you forgot the closing to your letter!

Lucas Zhang

Class 4 (Level 7)

Why High Schoolers Should Be Required to do Community Service

Community service is a wonderful thing. People come together and do tasks that help the community in many ways. In most high schools, students are required to do community service in order to earn their diploma. If they don’t do it, they may not be allowed to graduate. However, some high schoolers do not like community service. The students might be reluctant to do service, but that doesn’t matter. High schools should continue to require their students to keep doing community service because it gives them a sense of service, helps students gain more skills, and can aid the community in many ways.

First of all, high schoolers should do community service because it gives them a sense of service. High schoolers can learn to spend time for others and doing things for other people can help them become a selfless person. According to unitedway.org, “Teens working on becoming more reliable should get involved in volunteer programs relating to their hobbies to naturally build responsibility.” Becoming more reliable and responsible can benefit high schoolers once they graduate from college and face the real world. Also, because they can choose tasks that relate to their hobbies, it probably won’t be boring and pointless to them if they enjoy that activity. For example, if a high schooler likes to draw, they can paint a mural at the town square or volunteer at an art program. Another example is that if another highschooler likes architecture, they can help design a playground or other things like that. Because high schoolers can gain a sense of service and can volunteer in programs that relate to their hobbies so they can have fun, they should be required to do community service.

Second, high schoolers should do community service because it can help them gain new skills and learn lessons. Skills and educational opportunities are very important for a high schooler’s life so they can deal with the real world. One study from the National Education Longitudinal Study found that students who volunteered did better in reading, history, science, and math and were more likely to complete high school. This is because students are able to see how their schoolwork applies to the real world, keeping them interested in what they are learning. Teens can also learn basic life skills and habits. According to bridgeway.org, “These skills may seem basic or trivial at the time of training, but may also provide building blocks for future success. For example, by managing the receipt, sorting and distribution of donations from community sponsored school supply drives, teens might learn how to use spreadsheets to keep track of inventory. These skills are a great foundation for a job in management, accounting, or running a small business.” This proves that community service is very beneficial to highschoolers because it can help them develop habits, skills, and lessons that can help them when they enter the real world.

Lastly, high schoolers should be required to do community service because their help can benefit the community in many ways. One example is the #TeamSeas project on YouTube right now, run by Mr. Beast. He had people donate money and set up service programs to clean up trash from the sea. This will benefit the community and the world in many large ways, and other smaller things like park cleanings and washings can make the community a happier, cleaner, andbetter place. Now, people might think that it is true that high schoolers might not enjoy community service, and schools shouldn’t force the high schoolers to do it. However, community service is very good for the entire community, including the students. They can help make the community a better place for other people and themselves. Another thing that was mentioned before is that high schoolers can have fun with community service by choosing activities that relate to their hobbies. By doing this, high schoolers can benefit from community service, help out other people, and have fun all at the same time. Because community service can be very beneficial to the whole community, highschoolers should be required to do community service so they can help out their community.

Therefore, because of all these factors, high schoolers should be required to do community service. They should be forced to do it because it gives them a sense of service, it helps them gain new skills, and the service can benefit the community in many ways. Plus, they can enjoy doing it too. If you don’t believe this, just wait until you see those happy faces on high schooler’s students after a day of fun and beneficial service!

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Great introduction paragraph! You give the reader the background information they need to understand your essay. You have a strong thesis that lets the reader know exactly what you’ll be discussing. Your essay is very organized and you do an excellent job using outside sources to illustrate your points. You have quote sandwiches that introduce and explain the significance of the quotes as well. Great counterclaim and rebuttal as well. One area for improvement is the Word Choice/Language section. You don’t have any underlined unit words (which unfortunately caused you to lose points), and your transition words are fairly simple. You can use other transition words/phrases and sentence structure to transition from one idea to the next. Don’t forget to follow the instructions for naming your draft according to the formatting requirements!

Grader 2 Notes:
This essay is a superb example of the academic writing style! The author defines his reasons and then supports each one with great examples and resources. My only qualms are with the lack of underlined vocabulary and the excessive length.

Collin Wang

VIP Class (Level 7)

Dear Wealthy Donor,

When you were young, did you like to play sports and be active? Well, I have a great idea for the new facility that would help everyone exercise. With your donations, you should build a gym. This would encourage kids to play more sports and encourage adults to exercise more. This would directly benefit everyone in my community. You should build a gym because it would boost kids’ morales to play more sports, it would help people become healthier, and it would reduce everyone’s stress levels.

Building the gym is that it would encourage more kids to play more sports. Kids need to be active instead of indulging themselves by playing video games or watching TV. According to the CDC, kids need at least one hour of exercise per day. The gym is a very good way to get kids their one hour of exercise. Kids could play sports or work out in the gym. If the kids had a gym, they at least have a choice whether to go or not. If there is not a gym in the community, they would not even have a chance to have fun while exercising or develop a potential love for sports.

The gym would also help people become healthier. According to Everyday Health, cardiovascular exercise (running, swimming, aerobics, walking) stimulates your metabolism, helps you burn calories, and can even suppress your appetite post-workout. Metabolism is a set of chemical reactions that keeps organisms alive. If you boost your metabolism, you can live a longer life. Do you want to feel responsible for elongating lifetimes?

The final reason why you should build this gym is that it would help bring down everyone’s stress levels. Have you ever felt very stressed and suddenly felt better after an hour of exercise? That is because exercise helps bring down stress. According to Harvard Health, exercise reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. If you build this gym, you will reduce stress levels for people of all ages.

You should donate to help build this gym because it would encourage kids to play sports, it would increase everyone’s health, and it would bring down stress levels. You could inspire a child to take on a sport. You never know. They could become a professional sports player. People’s health would improve if this gym were built. Stress levels for school and work would come down. This gym will improve everyone’s quality of life prominently. Please consider donating to help build the gym. Thank you.

Many thanks,
Collin

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Very well-organized letter. You have a clear introduction with good background info, a strong thesis, focused body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion. Adding a final thought/challenge that sticks with the donor could make this even stronger. You did a great job using outside sources to support your points. In future months with POP, you’ll keep practicing how to properly cite them and include the reference. Great work using unit words, but you don’t have many transition words/phrases to help connect your ideas smoothly. Great job following the directions on formatting.

Grader 2 Notes:
This author answered the prompt very thoroughly with well-organized paragraphs and good supporting evidence. The author’s voice was evident and the usage of the vocabulary words was generally appropriate for the overall argument. One suggestion I would make is to define “gym” more clearly in the introduction--is it just a room with weight machines or is it a gymnasium with a pool and basketball courts? Additionally, the argument would be stronger if the author acknowledged alternatives and why a gym would still make a better choice. Instead of the somewhat repetitive conclusion paragraph in the current draft, the author could have mentioned the ways that a gym is better than a library, for example. Otherwise, this essay was fantastic!

Allie Bai

Class 20 (Level 8)

Community Service

Have you ever been asked to do the laundry by your mom? How does that make you feel? It’s a task that you don’t want to do, but the fact that your mom is forcing it onto you makes you want to ignore it even more. This is how several teens feel when being forced to do community service. By forcing community service, schools are crushing the purpose of community service and losing the satisfaction from it. Schools should not make community service mandatory.

One reason for why community service should not be mandatory is that teens are already busy with sports and clubs. They juggle with homework, extracurriculars, and the pressure of college admissions. Teens already have a lot on their plate and forcing them to perform community service would just perturb them. Also, it would seem like more of a chore than a fun experience. They would be less likely to volunteer in the future if they have a bad experience from this.

Another reason is that forcing teens to volunteer isn’t as meaningful. There is no way to distinguish between the people who want to help and the ones who are forced to help/are blase about it. As a result, volunteerism will start invalidating in quality and students will deplore community service. Also, many students will just remember the volunteering experience as a waste of time. However, if schools make volunteering optional, and instead create more fun community service ideas (volunteering at animal shelters, volunteering to do social media for a local organization, volunteering for field trips, etc.), then more teens would be attracted to volunteer. This would be a win -win situation, as schools would receive high attendance rates voluntarily and students would remember the experience as a fun time. This would likely impact them to volunteer again in the future.

Lastly, by forcing students to perform community service, it would show that schools support child labor. High school students work for free with no benefits/gains. They do not earn money and it doesn’t benefit their transcripts either. They are forced to work for the government with no gain. A better idea if our community needs volunteer work would be to create actual jobs out of these requirements. This would benefit several citizens who are in need of a job/financial support while still maintaining the purpose of community service.

In conclusion, community service should not be mandatory. Forcing children to perform community service definitely isn’t a good thing for our society and generation. Student’s will be demoralized from helping the community due to the negativity it brings just because it is mandatory. It is best that we keep community service optional.

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Nice work! You have some interesting ideas and support here, but I’d love to see a bit more depth to your ideas. You have good organization and great use of unit words (except invalidating), but your body paragraphs could use some further examples, details, research, and/or explanation. The last body paragraph is a bit confusing as well. The claim that community service shows schools support child labor seems a bit far-fetched. I understand your idea, and with a bit more refinement, you could create a strong body paragraph.

Isabella Li

Class 13 (Level 8)

Community service is a vital addition to any local community and should be mandated in order to earn a diploma. It provides students with opportunities for personal growth, increases physical activity, and is a way local facilities can get help without the burden of cost. Community service exposes students to diversity, social responsibility, and prepares them for college and the workplace. Researchers at the London School of Economics and Political Science found a link between self-reported levels of good health and happiness and formal volunteer work. Today’s students spend much more time indoors than previous generations, thanks to advanced technology and faster transportation. As a both indirect and direct result, 9 out of 10 teens are not exercising enough (CBS News). Community service combats childhood obesity, as it often requires physical movement and is a great way students can exercise while helping others. Additionally, local businesses sometimes are in need of volunteers but lack the money to hire. Community service solves this problem, benefiting both parties. Shelters are often short staffed and encouraging students to volunteer would be extremely valuable. While some view the amount of mandated volunteer work as daunting, the benefits it brings greatly outweigh the possible drawback that the student is unwilling.

Community service is personally rewarding and reduces anxiety for students during their stressful years of high school. A study by United Health Group says that 76% of people who have volunteered in the past twelve months say that volunteering has made them feel happier, and 94% of people report that it improves their mood. 78% of volunteers say that it has lowered their stress levels. Lower stress levels are linked with higher academic results. Additionally, community services give students many opportunities for personal growth, exposing them to groups of people past their high school circle of friends. This allows them to exercise leadership, communication, and social skills to interact positively with others. Furthermore, it can protect people from depression during challenging times, as it tends to help create a strong support system for participants. It broadens their awareness and view of the world around them, increasing their sense of social responsibility. A friend of mine recently volunteered at a food bank, and afterwards reflected that the experience made her realize how lucky she was. Similarly, teens across the world have said community service increases awareness and interest in social justice.

Moreover, there are numerous physical and phycological health benefits of community service that would greatly benefit today’s teens. As stated before, obesity rates in the US have risen and teens lack exercise. Mandating community service would encourage students to be physically active while being productive. For activities like picking up trash or sorting donations, the required 60 minutes of exercise for teens can be easily met. This reduces risk of breast colon, gallbladder, pancreatic, kidney, and prostate cancer. According to the National Library of Medicine, the mental health impacts of being overweight or obese are extensive. This leads into the psychological benefits of community service. Volunteering boosts self-esteem and sense of accomplishment as students get to experience humans helping other humans. The National Library of Medicine states “High self-esteem makes people more willing to speak up in groups and to criticize the group's approach. Leadership does not stem directly from self-esteem, but self-esteem may have indirect effects. Relative to people with low self-esteem, those with high self-esteem show stronger in-group favoritism, which may increase prejudice and discrimination. “Being happier has been linked to better test results, which in turn, leads to more happiness.

Volunteering and participation in community service not only brings personal benefits, but also is valuable to the community. Volunteers are responsible for many things that we take for granted. After natural disasters occur, they’re responsible for cleaning up debris and helping victims get re-settled. Without volunteers, many elderly people would not be able to get food, parks and beaches would be much dirtier, and children would struggle more without the help of volunteer tutors and mentors. The Corporation for National and Community Service says that in 2013, 62.6 million Americans volunteered 7.7 billion hours of work. The estimated value of this work is almost $173 billion, almost as much as the GDP of Ukraine. A more local impact of community service would be its benefit for facilities like shelters, which are often short-staffed. Community programs may lack the money to hire workers but are in need of help will directly benefit from community service.

Some are still skeptical of the benefits of mandating community service, but part of the responsibility of schools is to produce good citizens out of their students. History teacher Jonathan York says, “Helping others out, you get an intrinsic value in yourself. You should feel good when you help other people out.” Sometimes it’s necessary to require something if it’s essential and important. Serving the community develops leadership skills, awareness, sense of social responsibility, and engagement. If there is pressure to complete the required hours, it will encourage students to improve their time management skills. In the long run, participants will benefit greatly. As these students go on to attend college, how they manage time may define whether or not they succeed. In a sense, community work will prepare them for the future and how to tackle deadlines.

In conclusion, community service should be mandated and the benefits it bring greatly outweigh the possible drawbacks. It helps connect to the community and teaches students the significance of giving help to others in need and sparks interest in social justice. Students are given opportunities to fortify their learning and friendships. Volunteering also increase physical activity for participants. As stated above, 1 in 10 teens today have enough exercise. Community service often requires physical activity, and students can exercise while being productive and helping others. Some may say that if mandated, community service will be seen as laborious to students, and make them unmotivated. However, the pressure of completing the hours, if there is any, will force them to improve time management skills. Community service is undeniably an extremely valuable experience that everyone should participate in. Mandating it will encourage students to involve themselves in activities that develop their life skills and awareness.

Teachers' Comments

Grader 1 Notes:
Outstanding essay with extremely strong support and well-connected and creative reasons. You used and cited a variety of reliable sources and kept everything well-connected to your central thesis. You brought to mind many things one typically wouldn’t think about (ie: obesity) and reinforced everything well with clear explanations and even some solid counterpoints. The only downsides were format - it was a bit too, lacked a title, and didn’t utilize the correct font.

Grader 2 Notes:
Very well-written essay with lots of outside research to support the main points. You also gave some very interesting points and counterpoints! The introduction gives more detail than is necessary. Many of the examples and points in the intro should be moved to the correlating body paragraphs to help things run more smoothly. You use so many outside sources, that it’s a bit hard to hear your voice through your writing. We’d love to hear more of what Isabella thinks and how she views and interprets the research (let your personality peek through your writing!)

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