Writing Contest 2021 First Place Award Essay Exhibition
Class 14 (Level 3)
On Friday, October 29, 2021, I was petting a cute puppy. Suddenly, it spoke.
“Hi there! it said.
“ Good afternoon!”, I exclaimed.
“ Can you give me a yellow banana?”, shouted the cute puppy.
“ Yes!” I said as I threw a banana to the cute puppy.
“ Thank you!”, exclaimed the puppy. On the next Monday, I saw the cute puppy at my bus stop!
“ Welcome back!” , it shouted.
“ Hello!”, I replied. After five minutes, bus 35 came.
“ Would you want to go on my bus?” I whispered to the cute puppy.
“ Sure!” whispered the puppy. Then, I scanned my bus card and sat on seat 8, my assigned seat, and the cute puppy sat on my lap. After 25 minutes, we reached school.
“No dogs allowed in the school.” I said as the puppy ran to the field. I went to my homeroom and Ms. Pierce, who was my teacher, told us we’ll be having a field trip. She was right. At 10:00 am, we stepped on the bus for a field trip. I was on bus 35. The trip was remote. One hour was the small for the trip [After one hour we didn’t reach our destination]. The trip was also sounding ancient and bone-chilling because spooky noises had been heard. The creepy sound got louder… and louder… and LOUDER-boom. A creepy bus smacked bus 19. It was bus 13. That bus was haunted because 13 is an unlucky number. Everybody on the bus grew timid. Fortunately, nobody was very disturbed. The climate outside looked cold, but the scene was full of dementors and dark marks. I exposed a book called How To Destroy Evil by Cornelius Fudge and The Monster Book of Monsters to many people on the bus. The final page of that monster book explained that the haunted bus was designed by You-Know-Who [Voldemort]. Then, I had a smart idea.
“ Crash that naughty bus, driver!” I shouted very very loudly. The bus screeched and drove backwards and broke bus 13! After another hour, a bright flash of light brightened up in the sky and all dark marks and dementors disappeared! Finally, we arrived at our destination, while the puppy played happily in the playground.
Warning: Illegal to make a copy or complain or you’ll get fired by me.
Class 6 (Level 4)
Last month, I went to the Central Library in Downtown Seattle. The library is far from our house, so we can only visit every now and then. It was 10 stories tall and the children's portion of the library alone was even bigger than the entire library down the street from where I live! I could recall that exciting day anytime I wanted to! If that library replaced the old, humble library in my town, I would be visiting every day! Here are some more reasons why we should establish a bigger library.
The library in Shoreline is too cramped, and I explored it entirely! But if we had a library like the one downtown in my community, people would be visiting every day! They would be excited and would contribute books that are suitable for all ages to the library!
You see a vacant library at 6:00 am, and a stampede rushing in at 10:00! For sure they would be thrilled!
There is a big problem in my community! There are a lot of homeless people and if we don't take care of them, there would be trash everywhere! How do you help? A public library! Public libraries allow all people, which means homeless people can read about something they're interested in, see if the companies are hiring, and they could obtain a job! And since the library would be bigger, there would be a huge variety of jobs to choose from!
When a library buys a book, the author makes money. This supports the writer by helping them to make a living. If it weren't for libraries, J.K. Rowling would still be working at a restaurant, and Harry Potter never would have been created. Many authors are like that too! They spend their time writing books to make a living. Elsewise, who would want to make books with no place to sell them to?
Libraries are great! Even though a lot of kids my age prefer roller coasters and arcades, in my opinion, I think libraries are more useful. Not only kids would like it, but parents also would too!
I think reading is fun and entertaining when you feel bored. In fact, I am so drawn towards reading that when I find an open book, I scamper over and read it until the last word!
So after reading this letter, I hope you will consider constructing a library that will benefit us all. Besides, people would recognize how generous you really are!
Grader 1 Notes:
Awesome work! You have a very well-organized essay with some very good reasons why a bigger library should be built. You used a ton of unit words and ended with a strong final thought. To make this even stronger, you could summarize your main reasons at the end of your letter before your final thought!
Grader 2 Notes:
The author’s voice is very distinct in this essay and the arguments are generally convincing. The formatting and mechanics of writing are also excellent. In terms of content, the author uses several reasons to support their argument, but many of these reasons are shouted to the reader with exclamation points in over half of the sentences. Despite the loud reasoning, the essay could be even stronger if all of the reasons were summarized in the closing sentences of the letter. The argument about homelessness, for example, is only mentioned in the body paragraphs, not in the intro and conclusion as well.
Class 2 (Level 5)
Dear President Biden,
I would like to propose a change that would save the lives of many people. We need this change to make the ‘hot topic’ right. We all know what the biggest problem is currently. The treacherous Covid-19, also known as the Coronavirus, is causing an overload of problems and forcing everyone to make large adjustments. We must see the death numbers becoming larger every day, wear masks and quarantine, and talk to ONLY FAMILY- and nobody else. Let me explain this clearly.
Firstly, the deaths are really heartbreaking. As soon as we click into more news about Covid-19, the numbers of deaths are going up. You don't want the USA to become an empty country, right? You should create a cure and end Covid-19 to decrease everyone’s worries. Think about the families out there. Too many families are losing people. Imagine not being able to see your family on their deathbed only because they’re diagnosed with Covid-19, and you can only video chat! How would you feel if your family is broken in pieces? I love my family, and losing someone I love would break my heart. If you can imagine how hard dealing with a family member passing away is, then a way to abolish the virus would be beneficial for everyone.
Most people know the most annoying effects of Covid are wearing masks and quarantine. I have to wear both masks and glasses which is agonizing because I can’t see when fog appears on my glasses for every breath. According to the Cleveland Clinic study, people with sensitive skin get a diabolical case of maskne, a portmanteau of ‘mask’ and ‘acne’. It happens when the dust and breathing mix, and acne spreads. Having to see their faces with blemish is going through endless obstacles. Why not create a cure for Covid-19 to stop the need of wearing masks? Quarantine can get worse. Because of Covid-19, many places in the world are requiring quarantine. Due to the burgeoning amount of cases and deaths, China has started creating very strict covid-testing policies and compelling visitors to quarantine in a hotel for three weeks! Other places also require quarantine such as Korea, Japan, Paris, and much, much, more! If there was an end to this virus, the world would stop tossing people into DUNGEONS and keeping them there for so long!
Have you ever felt nostalgia about a time when you were once able to interact with your best friend? Since Covid struck, interaction and talking to family members is extremely hard. Many kids have suffered from the fact that they can’t see their friends and peers or have to wear masks in order to see them. Psychologists’ schedules are really full these days because many people whose thinking have altered since Covid started, not seeing pals. The less a person interacts with his/her peers, the less that person will be loquacious, and that person will become shyer and shyer. If we don’t find some sort of way to conclude Covid, then many people will lose the ability to talk and chat with others during the whole Covid period.
You now know how intolerable this pandemic is. How big of an effect Covid has had on our country. We must see the death numbers continuously becoming larger every day, wear masks and quarantine, and talk to ONLY FAMILY- and nobody else. We citizens are very fragile compared to the virus itself. If you, the president of the United States, still don’t make any moves to permanently end the current situation, the ending will only become worse than it already is. I hope you will take this into consideration and make a change to terminate this virus. Thank you.
Yeelin Fu
Grader 1 Notes:
Well-organized and effective essay. You clearly layout 3 main reasons why COVID is a serious issue and call for action from the president. Good work including outside sources to support your main ideas. You’ll learn more about properly citing your sources in future months with POP. Great job using unit words, too!
Grader 2 Notes:
The author has a very clear voice and uses the vocabulary words very well. The essay is also well-formatted and each paragraph is organized in the hamburger style. What this essay lacks, however, is a proposed change. At the beginning, the author claims they will propose a change, but by the end, the author simply tells the president to make a change. While the essay makes a good argument for the need for a change, it fails in its stated mission to propose what that change should be.
Class 3 (Level 6)
Dear Wealthy Donor,
I have seen your request to gather ideas for a good facility to build in my community. The people in my community are grateful that you are using your affluence and influence to make a positive impact in our neighborhoods. I believe that a library is a necessary building for my community. A library should be built because a library educates and provides kids with books, it can allow people in the community to go there to study and relax, and it can be a safer environment than the internet.
Libraries are places where librarians can educate and suggest books to kids. The main purpose of libraries is that they allow you to borrow books. Librarians are always there to answer your questions and give you a solid, correct answer. If you have a question such as about a famous person from the past, the librarian could bring you a biography of that influential person. On the other hand, if you searched for that online, you would get many answers that could be misrepresented. Education is important, and libraries can give information to help you. The educational opportunity libraries give are beneficial to all the young people in my community.
Adding on, libraries are great places to study and relax. The books librarians supply can provide information for students to work on their studies and homework. The environment is quiet and calm so students can focus. Most of the time, chairs or couches are put out so people can read and relax. Places like these give students and adults all the quiet time they need to rest. Allowing people to regenerate and freshen their minds makes them giddy and ready to do challenging work. This boosts the creativity of people, making the community more colorful with different ideas.
Libraries are safer than the internet where people can get bullied. People can socialize in libraries with friends. The internet may provide long distance contact, but it is also a place where sinister cyberbullies lurk. The major culprits of bullying are online. Since there are always staff around in libraries, no fights happen. Libraries are quiet and peaceful places that can calm people. They are just much safer places than online.
In conclusion, a library should be built because they are available with books and information, are great places to rest and study, and are safer places than on the internet. A library is an important facility for communities. It should be built and many people will benefit from it. What do you think about my idea? I hope you will build this facility and consider my letter.
Sincerely,
Vicky
Grader 1 Notes:
Excellent letter! Great introduction, focused body paragraphs, and concise conclusion. You used many unit words, gave examples to support your reasons, and have great conclusion sentences in your body paragraphs to tie it back to how it will benefit the community. The only suggestion I have would be for additional transition words/phrases to help your writing flow even more smoothly, connecting ideas and evidence.
Grader 2 Notes:
This was such a spectacular letter and you hooked me write from the start with your formal and focused tone and some clever phrasing in a few sections. Your voice was consistent and your word choice was excellent - you effortlessly used unit words but still used higher-level vocabulary besides that. Your points were well-supported, but a bit basic for the most part; I thought a bit more creativity in your request could’ve made it more compelling (what kind of furniture or architecture? Any special programs or features?)
Class 19 (Level 7)
Martin Luther King Jr once said, “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” Community service is a requirement many high schools have for earning a diploma, though it is controversial as some high schools are reluctant to do so. Community service is of utmost importance for the future of high schoolers because students who participate have higher self esteem, sense of responsibility, and not as much stress
First of all, community service helps students develop better self esteem. For example, experts from CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) say children develop a sense of accomplishment. When a student feels accomplishment, their confidence in themselves grows. As their confidence grows, they will become more tactful about how to open themselves more to the world. Also, from the National Institutes of Health, researches show that there is a direct relationship between the duration of volunteerism and life satisfaction. When a student feels happy, they will feel better about themselves. Community service can help students develop a better self esteem by making them more confident and happy.
Secondly, community service gives students a sense of responsibility. For example, researchers from Florida National University say community service provides students the opportunity to be a more dynamic member of their community. As the student becomes more active, they will eventually learn from volunteering that they can help make a great change. Also, from childrensmd.org, “Volunteering helps the teens gain new skills… such as leadership, communication skills, dependability, time management, and decision making.” A high schooler participating in community service needs to learn to manage their life. This responsibility can be taught through community service. Community service can give students a sense of responsibility by letting them be more dynamic in their community and teaching them skills to manage their lives.
Last but not least, community service helps release stress from learning. For example, from helpguide.org, “Volunteering keeps you in regular contact with others and helps you develop a solid support system.” Undoubtedly, reaching out to other people and making new friends improves a person's mood and releases their stress. In addition to this, the website also cites that volunteering can take a person off their worries for a while. After taking a break and doing some community service, you can face your problems again with a refreshed mindset. Community service can release stress by making friends and acting as a break from worries.
To sum it all up, community service has the potential to help high schoolers because it helps them develop higher self esteem, a greater sense of responsibility, and releases stress. There are substantial benefits for students to participate in community service in high schools, so it should as well be required to earn a diploma. Schools should form an alliance with the community by helping both the students and those in need in the community. You can help your students by supporting community service requirements in a high school diploma in your district. Are you ready to provide opportunities for your students today?
Grader 1 Notes:
Awesome hook. I love that you changed it and made it much more specific and clear. You have a very strong introduction and thesis. I like your use of data but we need to work on citing it correctly and making sure it matches your idea. You might not want to use a quote from CHADD unless you are talking specifically about students with ADHD, while your other quote from NIH works really well and supports your idea. We’re going to spend a chunk of time on using and utilizing research in the coming months so we’ll work on all of that. I love that you pulled in some outside sources to help you formulate your argument. I know you really struggled with your conclusion but your final product is awesome. Overall this is a very, very good essay. You should be proud of your work.
Nice work using so much vocabulary.
Grader 2 Notes:
Very well-written and well-organized essay! You did a great job using unit words and smooth transitions between your ideas. You did a great job using outside sources to support your ideas. You’ll learn more about properly citing sources in future months with POP, but it’s generally a good idea to introduce your quote/source to help build ethos and give the reader context. More concrete examples could help strengthen your argument, as well as including a counterclaim and rebuttal. Awesome essay :)
Class 5 (Level 8)
You need good grades to pass high school, right? Well, apparently not only that! Some high schools are requiring you to do community service in order to graduate. According to the Oxford Languages Dictionary, community service is VOLUNTARY work, and now high schools are making kids do it. Community service should not be required to pass high school because the students might not choose to do it later in life, the students might not try their best, and the students could have lower grades.
The first reason community service should not be required is because students might not choose to do it after they are required to. For example, if you are forced to do something, you will probably disdain it more than if you CHOSE to do it. Perhaps a student would have enjoyed community service, but they don’t like being forced to do it. This could cause them never to do it again after they graduate high school. According to mvorganizing.org, a statistic page on volunteering, "These time-consuming projects could drive students away from doing further community service.” This just proves that if someone doesn’t want to do something and you force them to do it more, they will be highly likely to NEVER do it again.
In addition, although some people may argue that some students may enjoy it, I disagree. While some kids will like doing this, can you really guarantee that everyone will? According to the statistics on mvorganizing.org, only 25 percent of the adult population actually do community service. This has declined much since 2017. So I have to ask, is forcing high school students to do community service actually helping the community as much as we think it is?
Another reason community service should not be required is that if you force community service, students may not even try their best, and maybe even pull off some antics. According to mvorganizing.org, “When a mandated system is implemented, there is no value because people are made to help the community. There is no way to distinguish between who wants to help, and who is forced to help.” When students are not doing their best, it may not even be doing any good to the community, rather doing harm because of some shoddy work.
Some critics think that if you force a kid to do community service in order to graduate, they are also forced to try their best since their graduation is at stake. This is not a plausible excuse. For example, a kid could not even be trying and you wouldn’t know. It doesn’t make sense to have someone not try their best, and still hope for good results.
Finally, if you force a kid to do community service, their grades could lower. For instance, getting good grades is already stressful for most students. I remember staying up late at night, the house already quiet, but knowing that I can’t go to bed yet, because I still have work to do! And now besides work, they have to worry about spending hours dedicated to community service as well. This isn’t fair. From my personal experience, I found that getting my grades higher can be a very stressful deed. If I had to worry about caring for something else on top of that, I would not have been able to manage.
Although people argue that community service shows kids the real world, and while this is partly true, we must remember that we cannot put too much stress on them either. If they are under too much stress, they could be in close proximity to cracking/a breakdown. For example, high school students should focus on their grades. They should get the choice whether or not to add an extra burden to their load.
Thus, to sum it all up, community service should not be required in order to pass high school because it might provoke the students not to do it later in life, it could provoke them to not try at all, and it could make them prioritize it over their grades. Community service should be a willing thing; it should be done out of love for our community.
Grader 1 Notes:
Strong introduction with the background information the reader needs to understand the context. Strong thesis, although it could be slightly clearer in wording. Great use of outside sources to support your reasons and great quote sandwiches. Great counterclaims and rebuttals. Good use of your own personal experience as well. Overall, a strong essay. The only suggestion I have is to connect it to the larger world in the explanation of your evidence.
Grader 2 Notes:
You know how to structure an essay very well. You included so many of the important parts (hook, thesis, paragraph introduction and closing sentences, et). In the right places and in effective ways. It’s a very focused and effective essay. Your second point didn’t stay addressed on the initial claim (some students enjoy it), and you ended that paragraph with a rhetorical question - a vague suggestion, rather than a persuasive declaration. Your transitions were okay at best; that can be an essay fix/thing to learn. Terrific and smooth use of target vocabulary words. Overall an excellent essay and enjoyable read.
Grader 1 Notes:
What an interesting story! You started with the prompt, and the puppy was in most of your story! I wonder what the puppy was doing when the creepy bus came! I would have loved some more description of the creepy bus and how everyone reacted! Great job using unit words and dialogue to move your story along. When you use dialogue, you don’t need a comma at the end of the quotation marks if there is already a ! or a ? Great job using a new line when the speaker of the dialogue changed!
Grader 2 Notes:
I really enjoyed your story. You are very creative and you showed that within your writing. Pay attention to your punctuation in dialogue. You did really well, but there are some errors with commas and capital letters. I was so happy to see you use so many vocabulary words. Most of them fit well into your story. Make sure that you are choosing the best word to add details to your story. Don’t just add big words to have them. You did a great job! Thank you for sharing your story with me.