Writing Contest 2020 - Silver Medal Essay Exhibition
Level 3
Do you know who is on the $100 US bill? It’s Benjamin Franklin! He did a lot of things that changed the world and US history. He was an inventor, scientist, writer, and one of the “Founding Fathers of the U.S.A.”.
He made lots of inventions. He invented the first library because he wanted everybody to access books freely (I love reading library books too!). He also invented the first library chairs which can turn into a ladder when reaching books on high shelves. Boston’s summer was very hot, therefore he invented the first firehouse to put out the fires. He also founded one of the early public hospitals to help the sick and poor. He loved to swim so he invented the swimming pads and fins to swim faster. I love all the inventions Benjamin Franklin made, and I want to invent something that can change people’s life someday!
Benjamin Franklin was always curious. He did lots of scientific experiments to learn how things work. He wondered what lightning was made of, so he did a famous experiment, “The Kite Experiment”. First, he flew a kite that was strapped onto a metal key in a lightning storm, hoping the lightning would strike the kite. Then, when the lightning went down the string into the metal key, he was brave enough to touch it and he felt electricity! Finally, he made the conclusion that lightning is made of electricity. I admire his curiosity, courage, persistence and patience. When I grow up, I want to be a scientist too!
Benjamin Franklin started writing when he was a little boy. He loved writing and he wanted to publish his articles on his brother’s newspaper. But he worried that his brother would not accept his articles as he was too young. So he put his writing under the mat of the printing-house at night with the pseudonym “Silence Dogood” (and many others). And you know what? The next day, his brother stepped on the mat and found his articles! He shared them with his printing friends and they all loved Ben’s articles. I really like Ben’s intelligence and problem solving skills to get his writing published.
By this time, you may think Benjamin Franklin is pretty awesome. But do you know Benjamin Franklin is also one of the eight Founding Fathers of the U.S.A.? He helped the Americans in the Revolutionary War by persuading France to join the colonies. He was also one of the two Founding Fathers (the other one is Thomas Jefferson) who sign the Declaration of Independence.
This is why Benjamin Franklin is my hero. I really want to be an inventor, scientist, and man of honor like him when I grow up!
Level 3
Have you ever eaten a recipe that was made from a movie? Have you ever had a simple and tasty dish? You will in this recipe! I like this recipe because it is simple and tasty, it makes you feel warm and cozy inside your house! I like to eat it in the fall or winter because it is warm, and its beans and tomatoes are part of the fall harvest. This recipe came from a movie where they were eating this meal. That meal looked delicious and its ingredients looked easy. We spotted some general ingredients in their dish. It was tomato and beans.
The recipe goes onHow to make it is first you prepare the materials. The materials are wine named LES PORTES DE BORDEAUX. You can also use normal cooking wine. The other ingredients are basil, rosemary, black peppercorns, tomato sauce, and beans. Second, you should start by grabbing a pan and turning on the stove. Put in one or two spoons of oil onto the pan, then put two pieces of garlic. Wait until the garlic is dark yellow. Third, you need to put the beans that you washed onto the pan, then stir for about 5-7 minutes. Then put the tomato sauce, you should put in the tuna when you have stirred up the tomato and beans for 15 minutes. Also, the tuna should be cut to small parts. I recommend using the can type. Fourth, now you should put the wine, basil, rosemary, and black peppercorns. You need to stir them up well and when you have been doing that for 5 minutes you can enjoy the food. TA DA!!
The recipe endingNow enjoy! I have had so many nice dinners with my family eating this meal, I also like cooking with my dad (Roberto), and try few extras ingredients every time we have some innovative ideas. For example: add more garlic or try with black pepper. I think eating this with bread is the best combination, so have some bread at home.
Your introduction was great, however, it didn’t actually include your answer to the prompt. You write in an engaging way which really connects to the reader. Focus on verb tenses for improvement.
Level 5
If you could solve the problem of one of the elements (the elements being the earth, air, water, or fire) which would you pick? I personally would have chosen to save air. I chose air because I think it would be the easiest and also improve the other element’s problems. If we don’t do something about the air now, in the future we’re going to wish we did.
I believe that the element of air would be the most simple or easiest to solve. When we talk about air we usually think of breathing, and with all of these factories, cars, and other things that can produce things to mess up the air, the endless supply of oxygen we use to breath won’t stay endless. Pretty soon we will only be able to breathe a specific amount of air every day. Sure, we have things that can produce or store breathable oxygen, but what happens when we run out of them. This is why I am here. I am here to tell you that things need to change.
I’m not saying that we should cut cars and factories completely. I’m saying that we should limit the number of factories being made, not always driving to places but using other transportations such as a bike. If we make the changes one small step at a time, then the air we breath will get cleaner as we know it. If we don’t though, then the air will get more and more polluted. With polluted air, the plants that make the air we breathe will slowly die off, which will cause a huge disturbance in the chain of life. Slowly the air we breathe will turn into something harmful. Don’t worry we are probably decades away from this so it isn’t too late to make the right decision.
Like I said before, if we can solve the problem with the air, we can most likely solve the other problems. With less and less pollution we might be able to reduce the effect with climate change and have decent weather. This will allow plants to grow and produce more breathable oxygen, which solves the problem with the element earth. We can also use the decent weather like rain to put out wildfires, which solves the element of fire. With the fire put out and the trees not shriveling up, the waterways will be restored. This should solve the problem for the element water. With all four of these major problems solved, hopefully life can go on smoother than it was before. Of course, all of these changes will need some time, and when I say some time I mean a while. We’re dealing with a global situation so don’t expect this to be like: “Bam! Problem solved!”
In conclusion, I still believe that we should consider saving the element of air, because with the air unpolluted then (slowly) the other problems will change too. If you disagree with me, that’s alright I just want you to consider the idea of saving the air a chance. The results might just surprise you.
1. Extremely well-written and well-thought out, but somehow didn’t have that Wow! Factor for me.
2. Great organization with topic sentences and poignant body paragraphs! I would have liked to see more vocabulary words from the textbook and more thorough examples. It’s one thing to say that rain will put out forest fires, it’s another thing to prove it.
Level 5
Cha-ching! That was the sound of me taking the last item before the 10 minutes ran out. Of course, I didn’t have to pay! This all begin when I won the lottery. It wasn’t just an ordinary lottery, it was a shopping spree. On a certain day, I could go to any shop I preferred, and take items for free! However, this would need many days to get perfect and also take note that there is only 10 minutes. I would need a strategy to calculate all the short cuts, list options and choose the best, and finally, I must be aware. These steps will help me get maximum items and break through the barriers of success.
Imagine going into a shopping spree without a plan! That’s like robbing a bank full of police while its daytime! I need shrewd thinking to have the perfect plan that gets me the most items. Let’s take a look at the list of options we have. First: We can sprint at max speed through random isles, taking whatever we could grasp. Actually, that doesn’t sound too reliable. Second: I head towards the isles I am most interested in, then I head towards the everyday items. For example, if I head to the electronics first, I just might go to clothes next. This may work, however, if I spend too much time in one isle, it may just be fatal. Finally, Third: I bring huge bags that have great capacity. I then stuff anything I find useful into those bags. If I could I would bring a whole group of people to have them loot the shop for me, but they do not allow that. If this were allowed, we would overwhelm the store, taking all of their loot. So in my opinion, I think the first and third will be the most efficient ways to get the maximum amount of items
Next, I will have to plan out all the steps before it begins, giving me the advantage to know exactly where I would go next, instead of lingering in one place, trying to calculate where to go next. I can also see what items will be in the store that day. For example, I could see that my favorite Nintendo switch game was there on that day, so I would go there first! This would prevent spurting in an isle, only to jolt awake, startled that it was there. That would cause loss of time, which was very crucial. Finally, I will see if there is any short cuts for me to take, which would save lots of time. In my opinion, this is the most important step.
As I mentioned, the time is extremely important due to the fact that there is only 10 minutes. This means we will be forced to sprint, or run at our max speed. However, this does not mean that we will run randomly grabbing random objects. This would take up space, which is also very important. We need to be aware of the amount of space we have left, and also be careful to not take unnecessary items. Keeping large bags or carts will be a extremely helpful thing to do. Keeping a watch handy will also help! Get dazed for a just a second, and the plan just might fail! Awareness is also extremely important.
In conclusion, having a three main strategies are the most efficient ways to do a shopping spree. In my case, I will list options and choose the best (First and third), plan out each and every move I do (map out the store beforehand), and last but not least, having awareness of your surroundings and the time. This will make the shopping spree as easy as solving one plus one. Shopping spree, HERE I COME!
1. Very creative and well thought out essay. Great use of unit words! Don’t forget to edit and fix any small grammar mistakes.
2. Well-organized and with great use of transition words/sentences. There are several grammatical errors that lead me to believe the author did not fully proofread this essay before turning it in. These errors include subject-verb agreement errors and incorrect usages of a/an. Also, the format does not match the example essay circulated in class. At the very least, the font should be the same throughout an essay. Note: “aisle” (in a store), not “isle” (in an ocean).
Level 6
November 24th
I jump up, shrieking with joy. “It is almost Thanksgiving day!” I think, “ Bake the apple pie, roast the turkey…… my greatest hero, Abraham Lincoln, is coming over for dinner.” Abraham Lincoln was very smart and brave and was voted the best president in all the history of presidents. I just can’t wait to interview him about his experience and knowledge!
He has accomplished so many things and that is why I cannot wait to have him over for dinner！
November 26th, 5:15
I was sitting near the fire, when I heard a knock on the door, I rushed to open it. Standing in a black top hat and in a black robe was Abraham Lincoln, looking as majestic as ever. I asked him to come inside and we took a seat. After we were all settled and comfortable, I took out my notepad and began to speak. “Mr. Lincoln, thank you for joining me today, I would like to ask you a few questions. First: is it true that you saved the Union by defeating the Confederates?” Abraham Lincoln looked into the distance for a while before answering grimly. “Yes, it is true. On April 12th, 1861, the Confederates ( who supported slavery) had attaked our soldiers in Fort Sumter. That was the beginning of the bloody and horrid war that took many men's lives. The war raged for many years, and it looked like we were not going to prevail. Then one day on April 9th, 1865, in Appomattox Courthouse, Virginia, our troops accidentally met enemy General Lee’s troops. However, they had barely enough food or water and looked weary.They were easily surrounded by my troops. After a failing effort, they knew it was hopeless. General Lee agreed to surrender and the war was finally over.
I quickly jotted this sacred information down and then asked my second question. “Alright, thank you. Now, my second question is: what was the law that you made and what did it do?” I watched as Abraham scratched his scraggly beard and started to talk. “Well, as you might know, our fathers made a law on September 28th, 1787 and ratified it by June 21, 1788 that all men are created equal. I as president am expected to hold that belief until my end. Therefore, all people should be free and be able to make their own choices. The law that I had passed on January 1st, 1863 was called the Emancipation Proclamation. The intention was to set all the enslaved to freedom.” “And, we thank you!” I replied. “Because of that law, 3.9 million slaves (according to Wikipedia.com) were freed. Because of your bold beliefs, and unerring wish for freedom, our country is now a free one, and everyone can make their own choices.”
We ate a nice dinner and had many cups of apple cider. Finally, once our bellies were full, I asked my final question. “So, you have done so many great things, and so many things that you should be proud of. But in all of them, what was the one accomplishment that you are most proud of?” He looked at me, amused. “Well,” he said, slowly, “I have done many things that are counted for good. But I am not the only one who should get credit for them.”
“Thank you.” I said while Abraham was picking up his jacket. “The world is forever in debt to you.” Abraham Lincoln nodded back in return and dropped his top hat on his head, bowed and stepped out into the bitter cold. “And, thank you for that delicious dinner, I don’t know when I’ll ever get a meal as nice as that again!” He yelled above the raging storm. I ran to the door trying to catch a glimpse of before he disappeared. But all that there was, was the wind and the snow howling merrily.
1. Very descriptive and interesting! You mention why Abe is special, but why did you pick him above all others?
2. Very strong essay with valuable background research, yet still a creative and casual tone throughout the narrative. Your vocabulary throughout was excellent - it was higher level but used smoothly and naturally. Your introduction and conclusion were also very well-written and effective.
Level 7
Why is giving a crucial factor to a gratifying life? Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” I agree with his standpoint because based on what I know, our lives are meaningless without contributions we provide for our communities. As a matter of fact, it has been proven both in the past and today that many who led purposeful lives were dedicated to serving others. As described in the paragraphs that follow, a pattern can be found throughout contemporary and historical time periods.
Thanks to the lives led by well-known figures in the past, we can now see how history has verified Winston Churchill’s quote in retrospect. Due to her contributions in nursing wounded soldiers during the Civil War, Clara Barton is recognized as one of the most respectable female figures in America. In contrast, Joseph Stalin, who was willing to sacrifice the lives of millions of citizens for the sake of his state, was later known to be the notorious head of the Soviet Union mostly because he did little to give to his people. Similarly, this idea is applicable to former presidents of the United States as well. Abraham Lincoln, arguably one of the best presidents in U.S. history, is revered because he had given freedom to many enslaved people in the Confederacy. Rather, the prominence of President Andrew Jackson is more controversial in comparison mainly owing to his way of getting ahead by knocking others down. All in all, it is evident that there is a subtle, if not clear, variance in reputation between historical icons who impacted the world on the bigger picture, and those who prioritized individual gain and short-term thinking over the greater good of the people.
Often times, people who choose not to give have various misconceptions of giving. For instance, the benefits of giving are far from increasing the quality of life for others. According to research, donating can bring us pleasure, improved productivity, and better well-being. Some might imagine that their own goals would be neglected. Yet, giving does not mean putting others before ourselves. In order to make a fulfilling life, I strongly believe that we should endeavor to maintain a healthy balance between giving and receiving. As shown above, common misunderstandings of giving are generally incorrect, and should not justify for refusal to give.
In our current community, lending a hand in charitable causes is of foremost importance, especially for those in pursuit of a meaningful life. Participating in youth organizations, for example, gives children and teens second-hand experience that will guide them through important life choices like finding a job and applying to college. In addition, as homelessness slowly becomes a more widespread problem, the choice to volunteer at soup kitchens is becoming vital for our community as well. Aside from volunteering, there are an abundance of charity organizations that can benefit the world in its own way, whether they’re concerning youth education, food distribution or crisis support. When people think about what a better world could mean for them, the measures they take to accomplish this gives them a purpose in life other than supporting themselves.
We can infer from the lives of those who lived before and are still around us that we make a life by what we give, and we make a living by what we get. Clara Barton, and Abraham Lincoln were exemplary in devoting their lives for the benefit of others, and the objectives behind volunteering and donating all point to the fact that making a living is not the same as making a life, and that while receiving allows us to live, the purpose of our existence is not just about putting food on the table.
I can tell this essay was thoughtfully planned and carefully edited. I especially like the comparisons made in the first body paragraph! Great work! I detracted points in content because I felt the author did not adequately address the meaning of the quote until the very last sentence. All of the examples and reasons the author provides pertain to making a life. Making a living is not defined and is only addressed in passing. That is also, subsequently, why I deducted a point from the organization category as well. The thesis statement should tell the reader the author’s viewpoint and reasoning behind the viewpoint. This essay simply says, “a pattern can be found in contemporary and historical time periods.” Then the first body paragraph talks about historical examples, not contemporary examples as the thesis statement would lead the reader to believe!
Level 9
Would a typical person donate 20,000 dollars to charity instead of keeping it for themselves? Being intrigued by the question, I decided to think about what I would do if I had 20,000 dollars to donate. As a 14-year-old high school student, I would never get my hands on such an impossibly vast amount of money right now. However, if I were grown up and had 20,000 dollars to be charitable with, it would be a different situation. If we were to think of this in that way, I think I would donate to non-profit coding organizations.
As a programmer myself, I respect non-profit coding organizations. Personally, I also use a free coding website and find it very helpful. Now I must explain the functions of non-profit coding organizations, which are mainly websites that teach one about the basics of coding. This prepares one for programming if one wishes to carry on the path of a programmer, one known to be filled with obstacles and requires determination. This is why I respect non-profit coding organizations so much, and one of the reasons that I would donate to one or more of them if I could.
In the first reason, I said that non-profit coding organizations prepare their users for programming, now I'm going to explain why this is important. In this society, We heavily rely on technology and social media in our daily lives, and all of the things we have right now is thanks to the programmers that created them. Such things can be Google Email, Amazon, and even the whole internet! Being so needed means that programmers are respected and wanted, which means if one is good enough at programming, one can find a high paying job. In turn, we will be able to achieve higher advancements in technology, and the start of all of that could be non-profit coding organizations.
The road of programming is known to be difficult, but even so, many people learning how to program. One does not simply just learn to program, one also needs critical thinking skill to be able to use the language one learned. This is where free coding resources/courses come in, they will teach you how to use the knowledge you learned and transform one into a better programmer. This is also where I started, and I'm so grateful that I was introduced to coding. To be able to be where I am now I have to thank code.org for doing an activity at my elementary school, and exposing me to coding!
Non-profit coding organizations sometimes do activities in schools, and they will introduce the kids to their course. The kids will have a blast and play the fun "games'' that the activity involves, but what they are unaware of is that they are learning critical thinking skills. For example, when my school did an activity with code.org, we played this Minecraft game where we select where the character goes through fundamental coding. This can develop critical thinking skills, as they are practicing what to do with coding to achieve their goal. One does not need to be a programmer for critical thinking skills to be helpful, and I believe it is a skill that is helpful no matter who one is.
In conclusion, if I were to have the ability to donate $20,000 to any non-profit, I would choose coding non-profit organizations. As they will help our society produce potential programmers and bring advancements to the realm of programming. It is a very admirable thing to me, and I hope that more people aspire to become programmers through non-profit coding organizations.
1. Very strong work! This essay is clearly the product of a lot of planning and proofreading! The ideas in it are well-supported and well-organized. To that point, though, the essay could be improved by adapting the conclusion paragraph into a thesis of some sort. The author does a great job of adding transition sentences between paragraphs so the reader is able to follow, but having a thesis at the beginning too would really help.
2. This is a very well-written essay and the structure makes sense and flows naturally. The author connects coding to themself and to society at large, and explains what is and why it’s important very naturally. Your vocabulary is also very strong and your tone is clear and convincing yet casual.
I love drawing funny things! It is really fun. One day I was reading a Dog Man book. It is really funny that I laughed from beginning to end. It inspired me to write my own comics. I decided to call my book Cat Girls. It is about my sister Natalie, our imaginary cat pet named Starlight and myself. So I sharpened my pencil, quickly grabbed pieces of paper and started to draw. But what to draw about? While I quickly flipped the pages of the Dog Man book to get some ideas, my mom called me to do my homework. It was a bumper! I do not enjoy doing homework. Then I got an idea of my comic - we invented a time machine which can take us back to the ancient time when there was no homework!
Here is the story about us - we went back to 66 million years ago when the dinosaur ruled the world. We climbed trees, swinged from one tree to another using vines, and even rode mild herbivore dinosaurs! Later we got hungry. But, how can we find a cooked meal 66 million years ago? We were starved and grumpy! While we were looking for food, a T-rex spotted us. We dashed out of sight as quickly as we could. Luckily when the T-rex almost got us, Starlight found our time machine and we jumped in quickly. We got home safe and sound when dinner was just about to be served. We had a feast of salmon, lettuce, bread and cupcakes for dessert!! but we still had to do homework.
When I finished my comic I let my family read it. They all liked it and laughed all the way about this funny story. My little sister giggled and pretended to be a dinosaur and said ROAR!!! But I still had to do homework. Bummer! But that was better than living in a forest and being chased by a T-rex!
Very creative and descriptive writing. The overall tone of the piece was fun and made the reader want to hear more. We loved the strong lead and conclusion. There were transitions from one idea or paragraph to the next, using a variety of transition words. Good use of grammar and punctuation.
The forests are burning, the Ozone is depleting, water is polluted, and natural resources are running out. What is the cause of all this chaos? Is it the air, that is polluting and burning everything? Is it the water, that is polluted and leaving humans no choice but to drink muddy polluted water and becoming sick? Is it the earth that is having an upheaval which caused the forests to burn to a crisp? Or is it fire, that burned the forests, depleted the Ozone, polluted the water, and left humans stranded with no resources?
It is the fire that caused all this havoc. The fire had burned up all the wildlife, leaving humans with few resources. The fire released gases and chemicals that caused the Ozone to deplete. The fire released harmful ashes which mixed into once clear lakes and rivers, causing the water to pollute.
I would fix it by trapping the fire in. I would get a ton of concrete walls and build a room around the fire and a roof too so there is limited oxygen. With hardly any oxygen, it will slowly grow smaller and smaller. I learned that if you trap fire with limited oxygen, it will eventually fade away. My mom and dad hate the smell of smoke when we blow a candle out, but I loved to watch the fire disintegrate into the air, so they taught me that if you put the lid back onto the candle, the fire will become smaller until there is nothing more than a burnt wick. I figured that the same would go for a large forest fire. Since concrete is fire resistant, it will no burn, and it will keep the fire trapped inside of the room.
After the fire is gone, the Ozone would not have any more harmful gases, and the depleting will slowly swell down. The polluted water would not have any more ashes landing onto it and will be clear and cold again. Once the water is no longer polluted and the Ozone is no longer depleting, there will be more supplies for people. They will have crisp clear water to drink from again, and more wood to make furniture and paper and other materials.
So, as you can see, fire is the main cause of this chaos. So once the fire is no longer burning up the forests and releasing gases, the rest of the problems will swell down along with the fire. Then everybody can live without worrying about if they become sick from the muddy water or become homeless or starve to death because of limited resources. That is why fire is the cause of the mayhem between the four elements: air, water, earth, and fire.
Writing was well thought out and organized. The purpose for writing and for what audience were clear. The writing used transitions appropriately and was easy to follow. The problem and solution were evident and creative. Demonstrates strong command of the conventions of standard English regarding capitalization, punctuation, and spelling.
1. Great job explaining all the cool things Ben Franklin does and why you like him. Don’t forget to mention that he’s your hero or someone you admire in your intro! That way your reader knows the main reason why you’re writing about him.
2. Nearly flawless essay with clear organization. You gave very relevant examples and mentioned some different aspects of him which you admire - I would have liked to see you talk about yourself and relate to it a bit more. You typically did that with just one sentence at the end of each paragraph. That could be a way you improve your intro and conclusion too - the only weak point. Nice job!